As we celebrate the 75th anniversary of India‘s independence, let’s look back and reflect on the ways we, the citizens of this country, have found independence and growth or are yet to find it, in our individual sphere.

We’ll scoop down on a really microscopic level and focus on our niche, marriages. Hoping to understand how people nudge the traditional wedding and marriage boundaries and free themselves in their own ways. 

In today’s world, everything from marriage options, partner selection, to finalizing your wedding venue and giving it your own personal taste, literally everything entails to freedom of choice.

Real freedom is constant search for something we are too blind to see, to go out of the expected ways and find our own paths. This Independence day, we focus on marriages and choices, through the looking-glass of freedom.

SOLOGAMY

Remember the much-talked-about ‘sologamy’ of a Gujarat woman back in June this year. Kshama Bindu married herself with all wedding traditions at a marriage hall when her formal appeal was rejected by the courts. How about we revisit the definition of this neo term?

Well according to Wikipedia, Sologamy or autogamy is marriage by a person to themselves. Supporters of this practice argue that it affirms one’s own value and leads to a happier life. 

Critics argue that the practice is not legally binding unlike traditional marriage as well as rooted in narcissism and self-aggrandizement.

But how do you attach one’s love, self ascertainment and happiness to legal terms? 

While a few understood Kshama’s choice of marrying herself, many others were puzzled, taken aback or simply refused to see it as a viable or legal thing to do. The idea got in the way of their virtues.

In general, most people believe that their morals and values are against any alternative ideas of marriage and community. They don’t realise how they have been blinded by morals levied on them by their environment. Matter of choice seems a questionable and unrequired entity to them. They have a hard time believing that they are trapped in this moral construct. 

Despite the established rule, our laws are dominated by religion. They are less by human and fundamental rights and more about keeping up with moral policies. So thanks to our judiciary and political system, a change in usual norms and marriage traditions suddenly brings everyone in a moral panic. 

All their moral alarms start ringing on seeing a solo sheep run out of the flock and find its own green patch to munch on. The one sheep that questions the flock and legit announces either grow with me or let go of me, threatens any community.

Marriage is a connected dual sacrament in Indian outlook, made for and prospered by heterogeneity. They are convinced that heterogenous married couples balance communities and are key to widespread happiness.

But usually what gives one most happiness, what gives one balance, is being on their own. In the past people have actively sought self-isolation and some  – by Western society deemed extreme – forms of asceticism to uplift themselves and the society. So Sologamy is a perfect answer to their desired partnership.

In a world obsessed with networks and families, it is easy to observe how many people cannot cope with solitude. It seems to be a huge failure of education and upbringing in modern societies that does not teach humans on how to be alone and foster one’s own sphere. Kshama’s choice to marry herself is an intimate, visceral and open one for us. She was the superstar at her wedding venue.

Familiar marriage customs and wedding traditions can actually help us build communities and identities or clip our wings and prevent us from being our authentic selves. But there should always be the freedom to choose.

This independence day, a great practise will be on reflecting on values, emotions and norms of wedding etiquette.

QUEER MARRIAGES

As India celebrates more and more queer couples getting married and commemorating their relationship, we see a rise in the lens and a common thread of villainizing and upturning these marriages.  

The longest argument surrounding queer marriages by law has been that in Indian culture, marriage is between a biological man and a biological woman and marriage halls should only observe a heterosexual couple. Thus, completely eliminating any argument regarding the fundamental rights’  issue. 

Simply put, moral fear is a highly contagious idea that’s created to carry on the perceived values, traditions and institutions. In this case, the queer identity threatens the Indian family system, some even convinced that all this is result of some Western voodoo.

Amongst the long term goals of the LGBTQ+ community, approval of marriage by a law is definitely a nearest-possible small-term goal. We hope this acceptance of queerness by the cis-het systems, doesn’t delay further and comes with the involvement and discussions with the and understanding of the queer community.

Active and enthusiastic pariticipation of queer identities is important in equal and visible legal-build up.

LATE MARRIAGE 

Search these two words online and you will find a plethora of videos and articles on how to avoid delay in marriage, how to not let your critical marriage age pass away and marry soon, how the youth needs to understand that a six figure salary is the answer to late marriages. Pause, take a breath and divert from this observation to understand human brain maturation. 

Did you know that human brains are fully developed by age 25? Human Intelligence peaks during early to middle adulthood, roughly ages 25 to 60. Well, without getting into extreme scientific details, just understand how you are still learning how to be an adult and configure your life in your 20’s. Ideally our problem-solving and crystallized intelligence is still growing till our 30’s. 

But still intelligence requires various cognitive abilities, so this information  may differ according to  individual timelines.

Now all this short gyaan is written, just to slow down your palpating heartbeats on thinking that time is ticking away and you are getting too old to find and nurture your own family. We just want you to stop worrying about all this jhamela.

You are treading at your pace in professional life; learning and adapting as per your own abilities. Then meeting your partner and starting a relationship should also be at your own pace. Your time and tempo is more valuable than anything else.

If anything should need your attention, it should be to work like a Trojan on your personality, your commitments, your priorities so that when love does knock on your door, you are self aware and sure of your own preferences. While love is travelling along their journey like a Banjaara trying to find you, Know Thyself. 

Invest in yourself and trust us it will reap ten-fold benefits, much higher than your SIP investments (well we wish your financial growth to be as flourishable). 

Marriage halls should be filled with happy faces that genuinely want to celebrate their relationship with each other or themselves!

As our institutions, communities, chacchis and mammas etc., take their sweet time to get in line and embrace alternative choice in the Indian matrimonial galaxy, we should rethink our own paths and constantly think about and work upon our interpretations of marriage choices.

Real independence will be in establishing our own sovereignty in marriage plans.